Finding Your Something

Photo: noahsmiracle.blogspot.com/ 

I remember as a young first time parent, hearing other parents talking about their child's milestones: the first step, first word, riding a bike, etc. and I remember the anxiety that went along with it, wanting my son to be able to keep up with their peers. I didn't want him to be left behind.

He not only kept up with them-he went past them. He was an A student, taught himself to play several instruments, wrote music, won science fairs and scored a 1080 on SAT's in the 6th grade. He mastered and could play baseball, football, chess and hockey well. He was called 'gifted' and he hated that label. Classmates made fun of him constantly for any reason-for his clothes, for his insights- for being bright enough to hold intelligent conversations with adults. All he wanted to do was blend and "belong". 

While he loved to learn, the social aspects of life as a child/teen escaped him and he felt much more comfortable around adults rather than his peers. To cope, he developed an incredible sense of humor and refused to do homework. He almost did not graduate, not because he couldn't to the required work, but because he had so many missing homework assignments. He understood the concepts enough to get A's on tests, and felt homework was unnecessary busy work. He now has found his comfort zone writing & performing comedy sketches in and around Philadelphia. He has an incredible sense of empathy and forgiveness in spite of not being treated well by his peers as a young boy.

By the time my second son was 5, I had stopped stressing over development and just let him be himself. I offered a variety of opportunities to explore, and he did. He was intensely observant, always looking for the fun & was never afraid to try something new. A stocky child, he got teased for his weight. He also is gifted-in different ways than his brother. His gift is that he can size a person up almost instantly. The somewhat dark side of that gift is that he can find some one's weak spot and put them in their place if need be. This was and still is his way to cope. He has also taught himself to play several instruments (including a didgeridoo of all things) can cook just about anything under the sun (and never uses recipes) and has learned and managed every aspect of the restaurant business since he was 14.  He is self-taught, never went to college, and is one of the most naturally intelligent people I know. He is compassionate, but less forgiving then his brother. If you hurt or betray him or his family, you don't exist anymore. With him, you get one chance and that is all-he epitomizes efficiency.

By the time my daughter came along, 15 years after her brothers, I was a much more relaxed mom-(or maybe just a tad bit tired!) My daughter has taken what I thought I knew after almost 30 years of parenting and shown me a very different picture. She is kind and compassionate-creative and funny- but is a spitfire when she is lied to or betrayed. She is full of energy, exploration and enthusiasm and is still finding her gifts and trying them on to see how they fit.

These three children are so completely different, that if you stand them next to each other, they do not remotely resemble each other in personality or physical appearance. Each one is a reflection of how they have learned to see the world; Each one has gifts that will continue to help them learn; Each one will accomplish many things in their own time and will hopefully use those gifts to help to make the world a better place.They have all taught me something about myself, and this has helped me do my job better.

I have a motto that goes: "Not all children can do all things-but all children can do something."

All kids -and adults - have their unique "Something" and I think one of the most important gifts we can give our children - whether its our own kids or the students we work with - no matter their label- is to allow them as many opportunities as we possibly can, to play, create, explore - find (and unwrap) their "something".  

I love watching kids as they are engaging in their self-guided learning: they pick things up if they want to, examine them to the degree they are interested, use them in ways they were and were not intended, and put them down when they are finished. Its our job to make the introduction to concepts through engaging, fun activities -and sometimes to the gifts they don't realize they have yet- and show them how it works. Then, let them go with it. 

A parent is a child's first teacher-and as teachers we are inspiring them to discover-rather than imposing knowledge on them. Play & creative activities are the best ways to do this. Respecting their boundaries, allowing them to set the pace, and even letting them fail, gives them the confidence to explore that which truly interests them, and to "unwrap" their own "something" as they become ready to acknowledge and use it.

Time for some sharing & bragging: What are some of the incredible "somethings" that your children posses? Please tell us about them by leaving a comment below. Be as detailed or as brief as you like!

Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com 



.