I have been a Children's Yoga Teacher for 11 years. I love what I do because no matter where I go, I learn something new. Most of what I learn is the result of direct interaction with my students. One of my greatest learning experiences was one summer when I was invited to a teen shelter that housed at-risk youth age 12 to 17. I was asked by Kate, a former student, to help her with her Girl Scout service project. My role was to present on two different days, a Dance/World Music class to the girls & a yoga class to the boys. I was touched that she thought of me.
I was experienced at working with women and girls & I had several ideas for that class, but as I contemplated a presentation for the boy’s class I came up blank. I felt strong resistance to this assignment.
After a few days of making excuse, (I was not in their world…they would not relate to or engage in what I was saying/doing…I was not experienced enough with this population, etc.) I convinced myself that I could not do the boy’s class.
I felt a responsibility to Kate, so I suggested (what I thought was) a more suitable activity: karate. I asked my daughter's Sensei if he would be interested in visiting the shelter & he was happy to do it. A weight was lifted from me & I called Kate to tell her. She was very excited & called the karate teacher right away to set it up. I smiled all day, "patting myself on the back" at my ability to bring people together & solve dilemmas.
Later that same day, I received a phone call from Kate. She told me that she felt that the boys needed a more calm way to focus and relax & Yoga would be great in addition to the karate class. (Suddenly, I was not feeling so smart and skilled.) As I hung up the phone, all my insecurities & fears came up to the surface. Why?
It wasn’t about my qualifications. I am qualified & experienced. When I sat (and sulked) & observed my gut for a bit, I had to be honest. It was more about judgment than anything else. No one likes to be judged, and I had been judged for being different and thinking differently my whole life. I believed that this would turn out the same way and these students would reject what I was teaching and in effect, reject me. I thought I had put this issue to rest, but here it was & I knew I had no choice but to fact it if I was to move beyond it.
I was to do the girl's class on a Tuesday, and the boy’s class on Thursday. (Karate was on Wednesday.) Monday, instead of preparing something for the boy's class that would be special for them, I wallowed in my angst, procrastinated, questioned the Universe, yelled at God (and every other deity I could think of) for "doing this to me". I finally gave up & decided that I would teach the girls knowing I had two more days to work on the other class.
When I arrived at the shelter on Tuesday, what greeted me in the community room was 12 teenage boys patiently waiting on a large room-sized mat. Panic seized me- and I heard those deities laughing. I found out that Kate was not coming & there was a scheduling mix up. They were expecting me to do a boys class. Girls were Thursday. End of story and that was that. I had to figure out (very quickly) how to present this boy's Yoga Class with the15 colorful silk hip scarves, finger cymbals and Belly Dance Music I had brought. I excused myself back to my car “to get something” and nearly cried, partly because I truly wanted to present a useful class but mostly because I felt sorry for myself. The very thing I had resisted had materialized. I had some "spare" music in my car that I hoped would work & at this point it would have to. I composed myself, grabbed the CD and ran back inside.
I introduced myself & I began to talk about yoga. I was spontaneously inspired by a thought (that seemed to come to me as if it was not my own) to talk to them in terms of sports. I did, and I had their attention. They (and I) had playing sports in common. This was my key, and they were allowing me to open a door with it; body language keeping at a distance, but still asking questions & commenting.
We talked about sports, nutrition & exercise. They talked about Sensei Nick's karate & how they loved it. They let me open that door a bit wider when I told them that I knew him (Thank you Sensei!) We talked about what real power and strength was vs. physical force. We discussed stress management, anger control, imagery and being "in your game". They were polite, interested and extremely intelligent.
As I began to relax I saw that it had been me judging them instead of the other way around. In my teacher's mind, I thought I knew what they would understand and what they would respond to and as it turned out, I did not. I judged them instead of listening to them, and imposed limits in my own mind. That in turn placed a limit on myself, stopping me from seeing ways to support them. I felt very humbled at that moment and accepted that it was exactly where I needed to be, for my own learning as for theirs. We talked about judging & labeling ourselves & others and how it confines us. In spite of never having been exposed to yoga before, these young men had an uncanny grasp of the intangible spiritual concepts of yoga, of life & what I was teaching them. I saw a light in each one of them, and they ignited one in me.
We continued the class with Sun Salutations moving to the music I brought from the car. My instinct to bring in this particular CD proved correct. Salio El Sol, (The Sun Came Out) by Don Omar was something they all related to. The energy and the rhythm of the reggaton spoke to them as they moved into each posture. Three of them were embarrassed at first and the others challenged them. When they saw how much focus, strength and balance they needed to do the exercises, they got into it and moved with the music. One young man even put his own ‘flair’ and moved as if the music were moving him.
I told them how yoga can improve concentration, manage anger, improve their performance in sports, in school, in relationships, and in making better Life decisions. Soon, they were all moving and breathing as one as if they had done this their whole life. I could see by their faces, their breath, their movements they got it and they loved it. I saw years melt away and their youthful energy come out. I saw them as boys-someone's brother, someone's child, so lost & scared, and trying to be tough so no one knew the real them. It took an incredible amount of trust for them to let me in & do what I was asking them. I felt overwhelming compassion & understanding-real understanding for each one of them, no matter what they had done to get there.
At the end of the class I showed them Mudra-(hand gestures). The 3 gestures came from Reiki: Cho, Ku, & Rei. They mean: "May my energy be aligned with the Universe; May my energy be aligned with the people around me; May my energy be used for the highest good." I suggested this is an intention to set every morning and when faced with a difficult person or situation. The boys liked this idea prompting me to repeat it several times so they would remember. I told them that their thoughts & actions reach out and touches everyone, then flows back to them & to be aware of what they are projecting at all times. The Cho, Ku, Rei Mudra helps us to remember and activate this and can be done discretely if needed.
One young man smiled and remarked. "Yeah-that's how it’s gonna be now Ms. Barbara, All my energies used for my highest good." Judging by how his intense, radiant smile smoothed away the roughness of his street life, I believed he would do just that.
Someone once told me that you cannot help someone as long as you are judging them. Maybe my being there was for me to understand this, release my judgment, love them as they were & learn from them so I could get out of my own way & actually help them (and others) better. I can only hope that I had as much of an impact on them as they had on me. I send each one of them Love & Gratitude for their trust, and the lessons they taught me that day, about labels and limits, that I will never forget.
Cho, Ku, Rei
©2007, Visionary Publishing
Originally Published May, 2007
Edited and Re-Published January 24, 2012
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