Say It Better

We take the ability to communicate for granted. Just open up your e-mail inbox and you will see loads of communications-some welcome, some unwelcome and most, redundant.

The part of yoga that the adults (and teens) like the most is the relaxation part-when everyone stops talking and just listens to their own bodies & what they are communicating to us.

Spoken language is developed through a specific sequence - first we listen (receptive language), then we imitate (expressive language), then we begin to innovate, and finally we invent. This process happens naturally when children and adults are having fun, playing and interacting.

In the early stages of this process, some children find it difficult to listen for very long. (This happens again during the teenage years!) For a toddler, spoken sounds are in general, not as engaging as pictures. A child's ability to focus for longer durations can be built up through visually  interactive games such as dancing, dress up, catch, yoga or hide and seek. 

Language is central to learning & the ability to use and understand language is essential for all children. Spoken language develops at an incredible rate,when children have opportunities for conversations with others - both adults and children. But what happens when a child has a sensory, cognitive or communication challenge?

Experts tell us that the first 6 months of a child's life are crucial to language development. The prevalence of speech disorders is about 8 to 9 percent by & the first grade, roughly 5 percent of children have noticeable speech disorders; the majority having no obvious or known cause. Speech & language delays are the most common developmental difficulty that children encounter. A study by a basic skills agency reported that, in the opinion of teachers, 50% of children start school lacking skills that are vital for a successful start to education. Early intervention specialists, preschool staff & peers & family members all play a vital role in encouraging communication development in children.

One of my parent & educator workshop topics puts focus on communication, particularly receptive language. (Expressive language can only develop and expand after receptive is mastered.) One of the techniques I use is to observe students for outward signs of stress. Doing this can help determine if the child is understanding or tuning out.

Once a child is stressed  for any internal or external reason, you will have difficulty communicating with him at all on any level. I further show parents and educators techniques and games that help a child self-regulate allowing for better readiness for longer listening & stronger receptive language skills.

Here's why we look for stress signals: When our brains are overloaded, stressed & confused, our bodies compensate for not being ready to listen/learn/think by using actions as aides to re-engage. Adults do this too. Its called fidgeting.

Chronic compensation will fatigue the body & inhibit any further listening/learning. This leaves muscle tension that acts as a trigger each time the student/ teacher is confronted with a similar situation So it is imperative to speak simply and clearly, recognize these outward signs of internal stress, give children frequent breaks & tools to self-regulate.



Outward signs of compensation, confusion & impending stress response are:

• staring
• locked knees/elbows/jaw
• fidgeting
• holding breath
• disruptive behavior (talking, calling out, etc.)
• agitation
• closing eyes
• physical ticks (knees, fingers or foot tapping, etc.)

A good rule to follow in general with all children while language is developing or when communicating with a child who has delays: say things better. Keep it simple. Use one word per year of age.  It seems obvious, but you would be surprised at how many overlook this simple technique.


Start by eliminating adjectives, adverbs and all variations of the word "try" from your vocabulary. (Such as the common uses of "No-try again..." In ABA drills.)

"Try" implies extra effort, that the child is "losing it" and can’t get it right. This creates over-focus and a child with language delays cannot move/process and think/process at the same time. The stress will over-excite & confuse the brain and cause it to shut down, therefore halting the ability to receptively understand.


Replacing this phrase with "do your best" implies ease, relaxed learning & "getting it". You have now empowered the student by eliminating judgement, expectation, competition or comparison to the last failure or success. You have now created engagement, and an atmosphere for listening-for the next instruction, for the "That was awesome!" or the "You did it!". You have created an opportunity for learning receptive language.


"Don't" is another word to eliminate. The brain cannot process it. "Don't Run/hit/bite" (or the variation "no running/hitting/biting" ) translates into: "Run/hit/bite". Its more constructive and clear to a child if you tell them what you WANT them to do, "Please Walk/keep yourself & friends safe" or "We are Walking/We keep ourselves & friends Safe".


As for demanding Eye Contact-use your best judgement! Ultimately we want the child to look at us when communicating. Keep in mind that if the child is engaged, they will naturally want to look at you. This should be spontaneous and when they are ready, they will. Avoid the temptation to use your hands to turn a child's face towards you-this discourages spontaneous communication & is intimidating to the child. When you get down on their level, and play, will you do far more to motivate eye contact than trying to force it before the child is ready.


To receive workshop information please email:


barbara@bodylogique.com


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