Character Education for Mothers

The Author's Children, Mother's Day, 2010

My friends, colleagues & readers have come to know me as a teacher & writer over the last 20 years. They bring their challenges and questions to me looking for guidance. Sharing knowledge with others is a passion I've had since I was a child and I truly love my work, community partners, collaborators, students & trainees.

But  part of being a teacher is the process of learning, not just on an academic or technical level but also on a motivational & character development level.

I have had many teachers and mentors over the years but there are 3 people in particular that I go to regularly for this kind of guidance when I really need it the most.

I don't usually ask them questions and advice outright, rather, I draw on what I've learned from my interactions and experiences with them. They are the ones who know me the best & understand the depth of the work I do. They keep me honest and help me maintain my sense of integrity, ethics and humor. They have each lent insight into the entire process of learning to teach, growing and becoming a better version of myself.

These 3 people are my very first students. My children.

Mike, my first, came to me 28 years ago, quickly one morning after I had been hanging wallpaper in what was to be his new room. I joke about him being my 'experiment child' meaning that I had no clue at 19 how to guide him, as I was barely able to guide myself at that point. I was mostly impatient and scared to death of this little person who depended on me.  In spite of a broken home, an inexperienced mother & being teased by peers through most of elementary & middle school, he has grown to be a focused, positive, successful & caring man. Through his uncanny intelligence, gentleness of spirit, willingness to help others & see the humor in everyday life, he has shown me how to embrace my fears, face my responsibilities with confidence (and laughter) and to live passionately.

Steven came to me exactly a year to the day after Mike did. I was awakened at 2 am by a wrong phone number, followed by this odd swooshing sound and wondering if I had wet the bed. 90 minutes later, he graced my life with a sense of mischief, maturity and the ability to know what I was thinking. He could size most people up in an instant and was cautious with what ideas he bought into. He was always and still is a thinker, a practical joker & a seeker of higher knowledge/greater truth. He's grabbed life by the horns and pushed himself  (and others) to the edge. He has one of the most creative minds I have ever known and is resourceful, straightforward and an incredible chef. From him I have learned to not take things personally, to question what does not resonate with me and to keep challenging myself with new ideas.

Then, 12 years ago 6 pounds of energy disguised as a baby girl came into my life and I realized that in spite of my 15 years of 'experience', I still had no clue. Lauren was my tiny 'don't want to miss a thing' warrior who left light, love and an invisible field of happy, healing energy wherever she went. She still does-and is artistic, sociable, funny and compassionate. She will love you one minute, and tell you where to go the next. She has been my greatest challenge, forcing me to not just think outside the box, but to get rid of the box all together. She has inspired me to look closer at my goals & the lessons in my failures & appreciate my relationship with my own mother.

These three turned the tables on me and have exposed my every insecurity. They have been my greatest inspiration & most scathing critics, pushing me to the edge of my comfort zone, demanding that I self-evaluate, bringing out the best-and worse-in me, giving me knowledge, training and experience that no college on earth gives a degree for. As I watch them all grow into confident, independent individuals, I value all the fun, all of the memories and even the mistakes & struggles so much more.

In addition to keeping the local ER's phone number on speed dial, they've taught me to take risks, put my ego away & not be afraid to fail OR succeed.   I learned from them how to make better choices and when to transform frustration into motivation. They've shown me to laugh and to love freely, without strings and to never, ever expect to be thanked, given kudos or to be loved back.

They have kept it real for me. The pay has been lousy, the hours even worse and the awareness that my mistakes could leave a permanent scar on a trusting young soul has taken my breath away at times. But they've loved & trusted me anyway and that has not only humbled me but has made me more responsible as an educator and as a human being.

My wish is for a Life full of Health, Happiness, Light, Love & Laughter for each of themn and especially for my own mother-MY first teacher.

Happy Mother's Day to all.

~Barbara


 * What is the most valuable thing you have learned from your children?