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| 'Lonely Girl' image by Lucia Stewart Courtesy of fineartamerica.com |
Alicia was about 10 years old, diagnosed with autism and 'behavioral' challenges. On first meeting her, one would lean towards saying she was "oppositional" at the very least. The camp director told me that she never smiled, shouted all the time 'was a handful' and would not 'follow rules'.
I saw her to be definitely spirited, absolutely beautiful, almost regal, tall and lean, brilliant, creative, observant, willful & very angry.
She made it very clear to me, in an authoritative voice, the way she held her head and her intimidating body language that she didn't want to do anything with us, much less yoga. She pointed her finger at me, looked over the top of her glasses & shouted angrily "just who do you think you are? I'm NOT doing ANY yoga!...YOU can't MAKE me..." and would fold her arms and turn her body away from me.
She was a little less rough with her peers, although she was an expert at ignoring and avoiding interacting with any of them unless they accidentally happened to touch her mat. Then she would point her finger and yell "Just WHO do you think you are touching MY mat?" I definitely got the impression that she would have been much happier being left alone.
My goal was to win her trust just enough for her to let down her guard and relax a bit. It was clear that anxiety & fear were her triggers. The anger was a defensive survival mechanism. Her aide took a hard line with her, (that is when she was not oblivious or texting her boyfriend instead of supporting Alicia-but that topic is for another post!) and I suspect the other adults in her life did as well. I saw that I needed to take a much different approach, one she was not expecting.
My approach was non-confrontational. I told her quietly & without any drama that I understood and she didn't have to do any yoga at all-but did she think she could sit quietly for a few minutes while I taught the other kids? She looked at me suspiciously for a moment & reluctantly agreed. I told her that if she changed her mind & wanted to join us at any time, she could. She folded her arms and turned away from me. The good thing was that she did listen to and communicated with me, even though she shouted it. All was not lost yet.
For four weeks, we went through the same routine-I would always offer her to join-which she would decline. As I would teach the class, I would occasionally catch her looking out of the corner of her eye, and sometimes even smiling slightly. I ignored her occasional outbursts and would simply remind her of our arrangement of her sitting quietly while I taught. She would settle her self down, keeping her eyes on me momentarily to see what I would do next. I had instructed her aide to not force her to join, but to keep her as calm and quiet as possible while I taught the others.
On the fifth week I played "Statues" with the group-an adapted version of "Red Light Green Light".
Alicia sat on the sidelines as the children lined up at one end of the playground. I explained the rules, then I turned away from them and began to count:
"1-2-3 Statues FREEZE!"
I turned back around to face them and was surprised to see that Alicia's aide had vanished and Alicia had actually joined the group. She was now 'frozen' like a statue with the others, and had a huge smile on her face, waiting for me to look away again. I turned around and counted...
"1-2-3 Statues FREEZE!"
This time when I turned back around to face the group, Alicia was about 3 steps out in front of everyone, still smiling.
"1-2-3 Stat....!" I heard laughter & felt a hand on my shoulder.
It was Alicia.
My excitement was genuine when I saw her laughing so hard she could not contain herself. The other kids were laughing with her. It was now Alicia's turn to be 'it' and I stood nearby in case she needed a prompt. She didn't. She took command. She was transformed-gracious and cooperative when the next child got to be 'it'. She was talking with the kids when she went back to play again. I saw a different girl than when I walked in that first week.
I think the difference for her was not only the thrill & the challenge of winning the game and the responsibility of facilitating that game after she won, but also the fact that she was not forced to interact & participate. She was given 2 clear options & was trusted to make her own choice. I watched her closely for several weeks before that day-always making mental notes of what she paid attention to. I wanted to make it fun so she would want to join us on her own. In this way, she would be self-empowered-rather than imposed upon. I created that opportunity for her, and she rose to the occasion and (literally) ran with it.
I only hope that others have gotten past her angry shouting exterior and have looked deep enough to see her positive qualities. I hope they have helped her nurture them and overcome the ones that hold her back. My wish for her is that she will continue to be taken closer to her very highest potential of physical and mental health, as well as emotional, social, academic and personal growth.
That afternoon, as I was leaving, she called me by name, sprinted over to me and hugged me.
I think that was one of the best hugs I ever got.
To receive a copy of the "Statues" game, please contact me at the e-mail below!
Contact: barbara@bodylogique.com
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