With Me? Next to Me?

Photo Courtesy:  johnflurry.com

Its a commonly held belief that ASD children should be discouraged from parallel play; and that they need to actively engage with peers.

I have often wondered exactly who's need this is and inwardly feel, in spite of experts telling me otherwise, that interaction ought to be natural & spontaneous rather than staged and prompted.

When I first started doing ABA therapy, (Applied Behavioral Analysis) I was not comforatble. In fact, hated what was expected of me. I felt that we were not really honoring and respecting the children as individuals, and instead were imposing repetitive drills and unrealistic expectations of what we thought were necessary skills onto children as if we were programming a computer. While I understood the importance of structure, and that certain skills need to be learned before harder skills, it always seemed to be more about compliance than engagement.
Now that I no longer do ABA, I often observe behaviors and body language in children that indicate to me that they are not ignoring me, but rather observing, sensing, listening to, taking in, absorbing and processing everything that I do, say and that is going on around them. I base what I teach them on those cues. I play next to them if they don't want to play with me. More so, because I want to observe & understand and as long as they don't ask me to leave, I stay.

One young boy I worked with years ago had a diagnosis of autism and was only mildly verbal. Most of the words he said were repeating something he heard, or making inaudible sounds. We were frequently prompting him to 'play with' other kids. One day I could not get him to work at all so rather than get stuck in a power struggle, I just sat next to him, observed him and mirrored him as he played with a toy car. After a few minutes he looked me right in the eye, and said clearly: "Miss Barb, I need a break."

ASD children see, hear and know what is going on. They are not tuned out, they are tuned in. They even feel it when your emotioins are a little off balance. They are aware that we are watching and trying to get them to do tasks. Sometimes we get so stuck in the compliance and lesson plans that we forget that we are not just teachers and therapists but also students - and we can learn from the kids too.

Are we too quick to stage & prompt interactive playing and not patient enough to observe & allow play to happen spontaneously and naturally (if its going to) among spectrum children & peers? Why isn't playing 'next to me' good enough? Are we unconsciously sending these children deeper into 'their' own worlds instead of accepting them into 'ours'?  Is it really about the kid's needs or more about our own?

Here is an eloquent post and excellent account of what is going on when we think our ASD children are ignoring us, or not interacting. This was written by Aspienaut, an adult with Asperger's. This is his own account and description of what he experiences, and I think we can use it to help us understand other children & individuals better too.

Please bookmark Aspienaut's site & pass this on to everyone you know who works with children (and adults) with autism.

Aspienaut: Wired Differently:  "Next To You"