Give & Take

One of the things that yoga has taught me on so many levels is the lesson of balance. Not just in the poses, or the way I stand, sit and walk, but also in the way I contract and relax muscles as I work & move through my day. In my breathing. In my thoughts and  speech and in my every action. In my work and play and in my emotions. I've learned that there must be balance in all things.

The hardest thing I have had to learn over the years would have to be balance in my relationships, specifically in the area of  "Give and Take."

I am an oldest child. I grew up putting my needs aside to take care of my younger brother. I became a mother at 18 and again at 36 and put my needs aside to care for my children. My family raised me to be polite, compassionate & giving. They taught me to put myself in others shoes, understand and empathize with the needs of others and that the world did not revolve around only me. They taught me how to give the very best of myself at all times.

The thing they forgot to teach me though was how to take-how to receive. I've have a hard time with that, from not asking for help when I need it to not wanting to say 'no' to someone who really needs help. Its natural for me to just help whoever is asking me. Saying 'no' - and taking something instead of giving- has been one of the toughest, but most important lessons that I have learned through my life experiences. It is one that I have done my best to instill in my children.

Giving can be a wonderful thing, unless you are giving until you have nothing left. Its like draining a battery-you have to allow it to recharge once and a while in order for it to work properly. Does that sound selfish? Well, maybe it is, but selfish is not always bad unless its in excess. How can we really give to and help others if we don't recognize and take care of our own needs first? Its what we are supposed to do. Ultimately, the only one we have to answer to on this plane is ourselves and If we don't do that, then we have nothing real or substantial to give to anyone else.  It is just as important to receive than it is to give.

The intention with which we give is also just as important as how much we give. Why do we give? Out of guilt? Out of expectations of someone else? Peer pressure or social status? Because someone gave to us? Or because we have something of value to an individual or group that we want to share with them? Each type of giving feels different and will either recharge your battery or drain it.

There are many ways to give and it does not always have to be something expensive, 'as seen on TV" and gift wrapped. For all the enjoyment we get out of giving, we know that ultimately, we get tired and bored with our 'stuff,' and so do others. Most of those gifts we give and receive will wind up in a drawer or closet within the next year or so. But when we give our attention, our time, our friendship, our unique talent & memorable experiences, these are the most priceless, useful and personal gifts that money can't buy!

As we come into this season of giving, talk with children about both giving, receiving and the etiquette for both. Teach them how to strike a balance between the two. Remind your children that gifts come in many shapes and sizes and the best gift you could ever give is to help around the house or to be a good friend to someone who may be having  hard time. Teach them the proper way to ask for something-whether that means asking for help or a new video game.
If they want new toys and games, have them go through the ones they already have and give away the ones they no longer use. This has been a fall ritual for my kids and myself for about 25 years. There are many schools and organizations that will gladly take gently used items: coats, sweaters, boots, etc. along with dolls and books and other toys that sit unused in the closet or basement. It helps to make room for the new things we want-materially and symbolically. When children do this regularly and as a habit, it allows them to maintain balance. It allows them to not only to appreciate the act of giving, but also to enjoy & understand the value of receiving much more.

Most of all, set an example and allow yourself  the pleasure of receiving. Put yourself on your holiday gift list.  Accept someone's offer to help you. Say 'no' to people who cross boundaries. Shut off your cellphone and electronics for a few hours so you can have some undisturbed quiet. Do something for you. When was the last time you took yourself to a movie, a cooking class or had a spa day to yourself?  This is the time for you to do that. Pretend its from Santa.

If you don't celebrate Christmas, pretend its from all of those, known and unknown people whom you have given to and helped over the years. Its a Thank You from the Universe for all the good work you have done here. Accept it and receive it graciously and enjoy!


*What are some of the best gifts that you have given or received for the holidays or a birthday? Please tell us about it in the comments below!



Below is an article link that I saw about a 69 year old woman who has taken Giving & Receiving to the next level. I find it both interesting and fascinating although I don't know that I would have the courage to try it!   “Gib und Nimm” (Give and Take).


Read more about the spirit of giving here:
La Befana


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